she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
