Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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