I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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