some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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