OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
