Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
