the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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