My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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