the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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