The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
