3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
