I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
