We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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