Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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