it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
