I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
