he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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