Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
