I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
