$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
