And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
