Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
