I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
