Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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