Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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