She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
