the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
