he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You have to summon your inner elephant
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
