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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday

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• (801): View more from Utah

  When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him

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