I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
