who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
