dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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