So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
