My friends, they love my intelligence
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
