Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize