Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
