these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
