Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
