Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
