Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
