Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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