North Korea, Best Korea!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
