but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
