Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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