i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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