i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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