Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
