There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
