Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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