Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
