My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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