You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
