Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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