There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
