will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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