ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
