people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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