What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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