so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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