found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No subtext here. People are naked.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
