Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
