Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
are you so shy because you have an std?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
