I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Quick, to the slutcave!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
