Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize