he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
