They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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