there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
