so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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