if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
