I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
