So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
