Can i not drive my cunt home
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
