I hope mine doesn't look like that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
