too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
