The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize