you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
