FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
