i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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