You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
