I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
