I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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