Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
