Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
