this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
