All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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